There have been several times I have cried with deep emotions. The loss of my son, my father, my sister, my husband, and my nephew. But if I am brutally honest, the cry that hurt the most was to learn my husband had not prepared for his loss.
I recognize I am at fought for not inquiring if he still had insurance after retiring. He may have thought social security and his pension would be sufficient.
I had to argue with social security because they thought I made more than he did. I informed them that if that was the case, why did he receive more. After checking the records, they agreed to give me the difference. His pension provided a small fraction of what he had received. Together they are better than nothing but come nowhere near what is needed. I am grateful, however, because I have the necessities.
From my first job, I have worked hard to take care of myself and my family. I always gave 110% because if I left a job, I wanted there to be no reason not re-hire me should I have to come back to them.
I tried to be strong, not to let it affect me. I did not want anyone to know how hurt I was and devastated I was. All my life, I have had to be the strong one for everyone. Once again, I was strong when I wanted to hurt something to make my hurt go away.
I had a pity party. I cried my heart out, feeling sorry for myself. Once the oh whoa is me party was over, I spoke with my Heavenly Father. Now, I am doing something I love, and my prayer is that it will pay the dividends needed.
My cry hurt more this time because it did not have to be this way. I thought the pain would not go away, but of course, it did. I am moving forward with my life. If you are experiencing anything similar or just need to talk with someone, you can text me at 916 698 0839, and I will send you the link to my appointment calendar. It is part of what I do now. Three more days and I will have completed my 31-day blog challenge. I will tell you of the things I will post on. Each day will be different. Tomorrow I will tell you about my bucket list. But until then, stay safe, and keep the faith.