Month: November 2020

THE #1 RULE TO GET OTHERS TO LIKE YOU

/ La Wanna Parker / Leave a comment

Why do we have a hard time not eating ice cream, pizza, chocolate, or potato chips if available? It is because they make us feel good. We are more indulgent than we like to admit. We want to feel good, to feel comfortable. They do not call it comfort food for anything!

The same can be said about texting, watching TV, sleeping in, sex, drugs, alcohol, snuggling under a warm blanket, and watching a good movie.

These things make us feel good.

Not surprisingly. The people we enjoy being around are the ones that make us feel good. Most importantly, we like the people that make us feel good about ourselves. Conversely, we do not like the people that make us feel bad about ourselves.

If you can keep this simple rule in mind in your dealings with others, you will have more friends and influence than you know what to do with. Whenever you make someone feel good about themselves, they will want to experience that again. Be the cause of those feelings, and others will want to spend more time with you.

Make people feel good about themselves, and you will have friends for life!

 

Try these techniques:

  1. Give sincere compliments. It is essential to be careful with this one. It is not easy to give an honest compliment if you do not know the person. You do not have enough information about them.
  • Avoid giving apparent compliments. An example, a beautiful woman is told she is gorgeous about 10,000 times.
  • Use compliments on those that you already know.
  • Show an interest in the other person’s life. It is easy to accomplish this just by asking a few questions.
  • “How was your weekend? What did you do?”
    • “You said you were going to have lunch with your sister. How is she?”
    • “What are your favorite hobbies?”
    • “Tell me about your family.”
    • “What kind of dog do you have?”
  • Become empathetic, concerned, and supportive. Make the conversation about the other person.
  • Provide rationalizations. We rationalize our failure, misfortunes, and misdeeds all day long. We love it if someone else helps us do it. Suppose someone did not get a promotion they were expecting. You could say something like:
  • “That company never seems to be able to spot real talent.”
  • “The hiring manager for that department only likes to hire men.”
  • “Everyone knows that the person that got the job is the golden child of this place.”
  • Help people justify their failures, and you will have a new friend.
  • Ask for a favor. Most people have a hard time refusing a simple request. Whether it be to carry a box, hold a door, or to pick up something while the other person is at the store, you make friends by asking for favors. It seems counter-intuitive, but it works for a few reasons:
  • People feel good about themselves when they do a favor for someone. You get credited with making them feel good about themselves, even if they are not consciously aware of this effect.
  • People like to be consistent. By doing you a favor, they are acting as if they like you. It only makes sense to do favors for people you like, so if they are doing a favor for you, they must like you. At least, that is what their brain leads them to believe.

How someone feels about you is strongly correlated to how they feel when you are around them.

You do not even have to be the actual cause! If they get good news when you are present, their brain will attribute the good feeling to you. They could be looking at you while they eat a candy bar and feel more positive about you as a result.

It is even more powerful to have a positive influence on how they feel about themselves. You can be the equivalent of a powerful drug in someone’s life.

Until next time, stay safe, and keep the faith.

THE SIGNALS YOU SEND

/ La Wanna Parker / Leave a comment

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.“ – Marcel Proust

You are sending signals to everyone in your environment, even if you do not realize it. You are also scanning your environment for signs from others.

While there is a lot you can gather from looking at someone, your brain’s primary objective is safety. It is attempting to determine if the people in your environment are potential friends or enemies.

Suppose you needed directions. There are certain people you feel comfortable asking and others that you certainly do not. It is a conscious decision. You based that on the signals you received from that person.

Some people send out signals for friendship. Others send out the signs of a potential enemy.

Before you speak with someone, you are both assessing non-verbal communication signals. The majority of the time, others see you long before they hear you. Since they are looking at you, it only makes sense to send significant signals to create interest and friendship.

Have you ever noticed that some people are much more noticeable than others? Some people get seen positively, while others get noticed negatively.

Then there is everyone else. Most of us tend to blend into the background and fail to send either friendship or enemy signals. We tend to be very neutral in the signals we send. We do not get seen as a potential friend or threat. If you have ever felt invisible, this is the reason why. You are “invisible” to the brain of everyone around you.

Once a person’s brain classifies you as “neutral,” you’re quickly forgotten. The brain has other concerns. You get viewed as unlikely to provide anything positive or negative. You are the equivalent of a tree to a person that does not need any shade at the moment.

 

You can send friendship signals to the people that interest you:

  • A genuine smile. Not that fake thing you throw around most of the time. It is easy for people to spot a phony smile unless you are Robert De Niro or Meryl Streep.
  • Smiling people get viewed as happier, more confident, and more likable.
  • It can be an excellent way to judge how others feel about you. We tend to smile at those we like and fail to smile at those we dislike.
  • Faking a smile is extremely difficult without practice. You can tell the difference between a fake and a real smile in the corners of the mouth and cheeks. In a genuine smile, the corners of the mouth are upturned, and the cheeks raise.
  • Also, look for some wrinkling around the corners of the eyes during a real smile.
  • Practice your smile in the mirror and see how real you can make it look.

Many times we do not realize the signals we send. The next time you are around a group of people, observe their response to you. Are you sending the message you want to be friends or enemies?

Until next time, stay safe, and keep the faith.

After Thanksgiving

/ La Wanna Parker / Leave a comment

I promised to share my Thanksgiving day with you, so now you get to hear my boring details. I know it is after Thanksgiving, but there was too much going on to stop and write.

Before that, however, I thank all of you for reading my blog posts. It means so much that you think I am worthy of your time to read what I post. I have always loved sharing any knowledge I have, and blogging has provided the perfect place for me to do that. Thank you again.

Now! My morning began early. I was up at 4 a.m. preparing my turkey for the oven. Before I started n the rest of the meal, I whipped up a batch of pancakes. I do not understand why every day can taste so good on holidays! My pancakes tasted so good! I did panicked for a moment because I could not find the syrup I purchased the day before. However, I was determined to have those pancakes, even if it meant I would have to make some syrup the way my mother used to make it when we were kids.

Fortunately, I found the syrup, and I loved every bite of those pancakes. Once my stomach was satisfied, I washed dishes and got started on my Thanksgiving Dinner.

I look forward to Thanksgiving every year. It is one of four times a year I enjoy cooking for my family. It was different this time. There was only me to cook dinner and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

By midday, my house was smelling so good, and my stomach was very angry with me because I had not fed it. I decided I would rest before feeding myself. About an hour later, I prepared my plate when I heard the front door open and in walked my grandson. He and my sons have keys to my house so they can check on me. At least that is their excuse for requesting keys to my home.

I was very pleasantly surprised and happy to see him. My grandson told me he came by because he did not want me to eat alone, but he could not stay long because his girlfriend had cooked dinner for her family and expected him to be there. I enjoyed having him there and having him love me enough to share his time with me. I raised him from a baby to adulthood. He is more my son than grandson. Later, his dad came by and had dinner. I have two other sons. One son lives out of state with his family. My other son lives about forty miles from me; he had to work and later had dinner with his family.

My day was great despite my decision to cook. I am glad I cooked as if my family was there because I had enough to share with them and eat off for the next several days.

So, now you have read about my dull day. It was not dull for me. Thanksgiving is a time of reflection and to give thanks for the many blessings in my life. I may complain from time to time because I am looking for things I want and do not necessarily need, or take for granted the things I have to survive. At Thanksgiving time, I do think of those things and give thanks to almighty God for his many blessings.

Do not get me wrong. I give thanks every day, but for some reason, it takes on more meaning at Thanksgiving. Monday evening, I start setting up Christmas. At midnight, I flip the switch to light everything. My decorations stay up through the first week in January. That is it for now. Until next time, stay safe, and keep the faith.

Below are pictures of me with my husband and our four sons, and a picture of me holding the grandson I raised from two weeks to adult.

How Body Language Can Improve Your Life

/ La Wanna Parker / Leave a comment

It may seem like changing your body language only influences other people, but it can also change you. Most people are not aware of how using positive body language, like making eye contact and having a healthy posture, can improve their self-confidence and add to their competence. Here are just a few of the many ways that using positive body language can enhance your life.

Your body language can change your attitude. When you adjust your nonverbal cues, it can improve your mood as it influences your brain and hormone levels. When you use positive body language, it increases your testosterone, which enhances your confidence. This effect is in both men and women.

Positive body language can also decrease your cortisol levels, which is the hormone released when you are under stress. Your positive body language helps you feel like you can solve your problems, which reduces your need to worry about possible outcomes. By feeling less stress, you can reduce the impact of harmful hormones like cortisol on your overall health and well-being.

Positive body language is perceived more favorably by others, making you more likable and approachable to others. Body language heavily influences how others feel about you, so using positive cues can help them feel more favorable.

Your positive body language conveys your competence to other people. When people watch your nonverbal cues, they feel like they can predict whether you are good at what you do and if they can trust you.

Finally, confident body language improves your ability to effectively communicate how you feel to others, also known as emotional intelligence. Positive body language positively influences others, creating a ripple effect of positivity on those around you. It can enhance how you feel about others, as well.

Confidence determines your success or failure in achieving your dreams. Are you willing to change the way others see you? Let us know in the comments what you will do to change how others perceive you? I greet everyone with a smile and speak to them. It has made an enormous difference in my life. Well, that is it for now. Until next time, stay safe, and keep the faith.

I am Tired!

/ La Wanna Parker / Leave a comment

I know I said I would share my thanksgiving day with you, but I am tired. It has been an exhausting day, and I would like to share it with you, but I will wait until tomorrow to do it justice.

For you, it means you get two blogs from me. The first, I will share my day, and the second will be something I hope will benefit you.

I am so tired, and I am going to call it a night. Until tomorrow, stay safe, and keep the faith.

Show Up

/ La Wanna Parker / Leave a comment

Showing up is the key to success. You must know what you want and go after it. Participate fully in life. Be determined to be ready when opportunity knocks.

Remember your purpose—practice self-discipline. Even if you are tired or down in the dumps, commit to staying on track. Stir up your motivation by focusing on the reason behind your actions. Savor the satisfaction that you feel when you do a job well.

Manage your time. Set priorities so you can attend to the activities that matter to you.

Put forth effort. Give yourself credit for your hard work regardless of the results. Regard yourself as a winner as long as you keep practicing.

Create momentum. Taking the first step makes it easier to take the next one. You must persist through obstacles and delays.

Showing up gives you a chance to move on to more incredible victories.

Hold yourself accountable. Please take responsibility for your choices and the way you respond to challenges. It would help if you refused to put things off. Plan and stay on top of your to-do list. Pile up accomplishments instead of excuses.

Today, let the world know that it can count you in. You master the art of showing up.

Self-Reflection Questions:

1. How do you define showing up?

2. How does showing up help you to discover more opportunities?

3. What is one area of your life where you want to show up more fully?

Share your answers in the comments area. Until later, stay safe, and keep the faith.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

/ La Wanna Parker / Leave a comment

I am cooking my Thanksgiving Meal. I enjoy cooking for Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, and Easter. Right now, the smell of turkey is filling my home.

I am not going to write anything now. I wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving to you before I get so involved with my cooking and enjoyment of my meal that I would forget.

I will write later about how my day is going and an article. I have not decided what that article will be. I will write the article first.

Well, back to my cooking. If you celebrate Thanksgiving, then have a special happy day, and if not, think about things you have to be thankful for in your life. Until later, have a wonderfully HAPPY THANKSGIVING! But remember, enjoy family and friends, stay safe, and keep the faith.

Gratitude Template

/ La Wanna Parker / Leave a comment

Every year at this time, I like to reflect on the past year. It has been a year filled with many challenges and losses for my family and me. However, I am so grateful to be here with so many opportunities to accomplish some of those dreams I put on hold. Despite COVID, I have concentrated on the good. I can not do anything about COVID, but I do not have to let it get me down.

I have great things planned for the new year, and I hope you will come along for the ride. I will close this post out, leaving you with two suggestions of things you can do to show your gratitude.

  1. Make Yourself a Gratitude Template

If certain things you have expressed gratitude for in your journal resonate when you re-read them, use that comment as a template for the way you write down other expressions of appreciation.

In addition to what you are grateful for, also list things like:

  • Why you are grateful
  • How it makes you feel

(Note that journals you purchase often are set up like excellent templates too!)

  • Pass Your Gratitude On

Get into the habit of passing on your gratitude—doing or saying things that show people how much you appreciate them, or sharing positive things that you are thankful for and love—can be catching. It can transform relationships, shift hostile office atmospheres to positive ones, and change lives—and businesses—for the better.

Gratitude has a habit of spilling over into every aspect of your life—especially when you honor your body and mind with exercise, good food, rest, and mindfulness—it is like sunshine on a dark day when it is genuine.

And pretty soon you will find that people are grateful for you! Until tomorrow, stay safe, keep the faith, and Happy Thanksgiving!

Be Grateful

/ La Wanna Parker / Leave a comment

It is easy to expect success as if being successful was a right instead of a privilege and a gift. The problem with expecting to succeed is that, without more, the self-absorption of that expectation can slowly and subtly poison everything around you, including your business.

The real success we earn, and when it arrives, should be, and needs to be, accompanied by a stirring sense of gratitude. This gratitude is not merely about being grateful for what you have achieved. It is about being grounded enough in the moment of success to remember and recognize everyone who helped you get to this particular time and place. Without this grounded gratefulness, any win is lessened and will, in all likelihood, be fleeting.

So how do you repay those who helped you in achieving your goals? Well, acknowledging those individuals and sharing the benefits of your success with them is a great place to start. Yet, above and beyond taking care of your nearest and dearest, you also need to “pay it forward” by becoming a mentor and helper to others who are currently on their journey towards success. Think about how you can collaborate with someone else to further their efforts. See if you can contribute in some way to their projects. The contribution does not have to be monetary. Advice and the wisdom of experience are often far more valuable than cold cash.

Gratitude can extend even further. Some people are currently helping you every day that you may not see as mentors. Your customers are among these people. Without them, success becomes impossible. Take the time to let them know how important they are. Your vendors are also equally important. Yes, they provide you with materials that you pay them for providing. Still, a genuinely grounded and grateful attitude would even recognize each of them for the critical element they play in your business. Look outside the box, and you will see that success is not a solo effort; it is a team sport.

Until tomorrow, stay safe, and keep the faith.