Why do we have a hard time not eating ice cream, pizza, chocolate, or potato chips if available? It is because they make us feel good. We are more indulgent than we like to admit. We want to feel good, to feel comfortable. They do not call it comfort food for anything!
The same can be said about texting, watching TV, sleeping in, sex, drugs, alcohol, snuggling under a warm blanket, and watching a good movie.
These things make us feel good.
Not surprisingly. The people we enjoy being around are the ones that make us feel good. Most importantly, we like the people that make us feel good about ourselves. Conversely, we do not like the people that make us feel bad about ourselves.
If you can keep this simple rule in mind in your dealings with others, you will have more friends and influence than you know what to do with. Whenever you make someone feel good about themselves, they will want to experience that again. Be the cause of those feelings, and others will want to spend more time with you.
Make people feel good about themselves, and you will have friends for life!
Try these techniques:
- Give sincere compliments. It is essential to be careful with this one. It is not easy to give an honest compliment if you do not know the person. You do not have enough information about them.
- Avoid giving apparent compliments. An example, a beautiful woman is told she is gorgeous about 10,000 times.
- Use compliments on those that you already know.
- Show an interest in the other person’s life. It is easy to accomplish this just by asking a few questions.
- “How was your weekend? What did you do?”
- “You said you were going to have lunch with your sister. How is she?”
- “What are your favorite hobbies?”
- “Tell me about your family.”
- “What kind of dog do you have?”
- Become empathetic, concerned, and supportive. Make the conversation about the other person.
- Provide rationalizations. We rationalize our failure, misfortunes, and misdeeds all day long. We love it if someone else helps us do it. Suppose someone did not get a promotion they were expecting. You could say something like:
- “That company never seems to be able to spot real talent.”
- “The hiring manager for that department only likes to hire men.”
- “Everyone knows that the person that got the job is the golden child of this place.”
- Help people justify their failures, and you will have a new friend.
- Ask for a favor. Most people have a hard time refusing a simple request. Whether it be to carry a box, hold a door, or to pick up something while the other person is at the store, you make friends by asking for favors. It seems counter-intuitive, but it works for a few reasons:
- People feel good about themselves when they do a favor for someone. You get credited with making them feel good about themselves, even if they are not consciously aware of this effect.
- People like to be consistent. By doing you a favor, they are acting as if they like you. It only makes sense to do favors for people you like, so if they are doing a favor for you, they must like you. At least, that is what their brain leads them to believe.
How someone feels about you is strongly correlated to how they feel when you are around them.
You do not even have to be the actual cause! If they get good news when you are present, their brain will attribute the good feeling to you. They could be looking at you while they eat a candy bar and feel more positive about you as a result.
It is even more powerful to have a positive influence on how they feel about themselves. You can be the equivalent of a powerful drug in someone’s life.
Until next time, stay safe, and keep the faith.